April 10, 2018
“Hello David”
“Yes?”
“This is Janeen. I called to let you know that, yes, we are half-siblings.” An ice-cold sensation came over me and I trembled as that phrase came out of my mouth.
“Ha! I knew that already!” he quipped.” I knew he must really be my “brother” because this guy was really starting to irritate me like a sibling. His cockiness was beginning to overwhelm me.
“So, uh… Where do we go from here?”
No, soon after, that he said cheerfully, “Well, look at that! It’s national siblings day!”
What? I said to myself. You’ve got to be kidding me. About a second later, my phone beeped. David had sent me a text with a screen grab to prove it. Who invented that dumb-ass holiday?, I said to myself. And why is this the first time I’ve ever heard of it? It’s been only 24 hours since I’ve found out about my adoption, and David is jumping right in to claim is position as a baby brother.
Pause. For the record, Jamar Jackson will forever be my baby brother.
Later that day, I went to Facebook and posted a photo of Jermaine and Jamar for National Siblings Day. I was determined not to allow any situation nor holiday break us apart.
Let me explain the shock I went through when I discovered that my brothers, were not my biological brothers and that David is my blood brother. First, the impact was so more significant than finding out I was adopted. My brothers and I, growing up, had a powerful connection. Because we recognized that we three didn’t look alike, we found body features that brought us together. For example, Jermaine and I had similar lips, Jamar and Jermaine were tall, Jamar and I had the bodacious booties, etc. This helped us stay connected. Now, here comes David. I had an allergic reaction to his photo and to the sound of his voice. Every cell in my body itched uncontrollably, and my throat swelled whenever I said his name. I went from having two Black men as my siblings to a White man and his two sisters as siblings.
Suddenly, the foundation that was built for me began to shake and rock. The truth was trying to break free. Memories from my childhood began to crack, my identity sank in to the quicksand of chaos, and my emotions began to erupt. And with most disasters, I wasn’t prepared.
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How do you manage under extreme stress?
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Mixed-Up. My diary about family secrets, DNA, and the complexities of race and adoption. 
Your story is fascinating and I really like how real it feels.
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That’s because it is real. 😊
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When you find-out information about yourself that you didn’t know, you begin to Question. What do you do with this information At this late date? Nothing! you are who you are because of your experience, family (the ones who raised you) School, friends, etc. you are probably the best thing that Has ever happened in your bio-brother’s Life. 💕
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I sort of agree that I am who I am because of my family experience. However, I’m learning that it goes deeper…nature and nurture. There are talents that my biological parents (BP) gave me (nature) that my Birth Certificate Parents (BCP) recognized and nurtured. I’ll reveal what they are in laters posts. So, technically, I am who I am because of ALL four parents.
My hope, through this blog, is that people understand that I always had a strong conviction about who I was, but I never allowed myself to expand in those areas because my BCP were over protective. This upbringing, made me insecure and I didn’t feel confident in the ability to make major decisions without their counsel. However, when I discovered my secret I felt released from that bondage. Can you imagine living 46 years of your life covered in a secret? I knew the secret was there but I interpreted it as something was wrong with me.
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Yes I can, not only Imagine, living (46-65) years covered in a secret. I thought all those years I went to IJR (institute for Juvenal Research) was because I was having a difficult time sorting out my racial Identity.
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The picture of you and your brothers is fabulous.
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😍
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Janeen, I have been reading your blog, every day, in fact. I have really been fascinated by your story and how it is unfolding. The death of your father, the mystery with your DNA results, your birth mother, your brother David, etc. That is a lot to take in at one time. My goodness, I can’t imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must have went through!
On a side note, I have been researching my family history for about a decade and have taken a DNA test. No surprising results like you but it has become quite a hobby for me as I trace my roots.
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Hi Carrie! Thanks for reading about my journey. Yes, it was a lot to to take in and it still is. However, the discoveries have slowed down and I’m getting the therapy I need to manage it all.
As for tracing roots. Yes it can be so much fun! Because of DNA, I’ve been able to trace roots back to Canada and Poland.
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Although my brother found his bio parents, I will always consider him a real brother.
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I can only imagine the identity crisis you went through. That’s part of why I haven’t tried to find my birth daughter. But I put my contact in her adoption file so if she ever wants to find me it will be easy. She was conceived through incest.
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Have you considered taken an DNA test? If she has taken one or considering taking one you may find her.
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My younger brother took one. So she’d see him as closely related.
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