Please Accept My Apology

August 19, 2021

Hey there! Before I continue to write about journey, I ask you to accept my apology for not posting for the past few months. I’ve been in the thick of life since my last entry in May of this year. Work, family, and my health (not covid related) have consumed me. I’ve also been working intensely on a children’s book about my adoption—more on that later. However, my biggest challenge has been with writing my next journal entry—meeting my birth parents. Meeting them was unbelievably emotional. After my meetup with them, I became very sick (infections, shingles, and more), and gained a lot of weight. I had become an emotional eater, and I didn’t realize it. 

>>Pause

What is an emotional eater? Emotional eating means that you eat for reasons other than hunger. What is emotional eating? You may eat because you’re sad, depressed, stressed, or lonely. Or you may use food as a reward. Food can be soothing and distract you from what’s really bothering you. Emotional overeating is when a person eats more than they need due to negative feelings that they are experiencing. If this type of eating becomes a regular pattern, it may have other negative consequences for the patient. The person may view overeating as a way of overcoming negative feelings.

Signs of an emotional eater.

1. You NEED to eat a particular food 

2. You keep eating after you’ve eaten a meal

3. You eat fast

4. You eat immediately after an emotional event

5. You feel guilty about eating

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I ate a lot of sugar and carbs—kettle popcorn, Tates cookies, and fine European chocolate were a few of my enemies. Many nights, I’d fall asleep on the sofa after reading an email from my birth father Sam or watching a Youtube clip of my birth mother, Jeanne. It was tough to process that these strangers were my birth parents. After a while, I’d become filled with anger towards my parents (the Jackson’s), and I’d cry uncontrollably. I’d then head to the kitchen, dig for a snack, eat on the sofa, and watch t.v. until I passed out. What was alarming were the times I’d wake up in the middle of the night with food in my hand. I’d wake up with an empty snack bag a few times, and I couldn’t remember ever getting a snack. I had packed on 35 pounds in 4 months. I felt guilty, and so I ate more.

I’ve been on a long emotional journey since my dad’s passing, and I’m tired of big feelings, but I have no other choice but to keep pressing on. So, I’m back, and I’m facing my pain. Please hold me in your thoughts, meditations and prayers. I’ll make it through.

Here’s relaxing sleep music I enjoy that helps me reset my mind.

>>Let’s talk

• How does stress manifest in your body?
• What do you do to relieve stress?