Please Accept My Apology

August 19, 2021

Hey there! Before I continue to write about journey, I ask you to accept my apology for not posting for the past few months. I’ve been in the thick of life since my last entry in May of this year. Work, family, and my health (not covid related) have consumed me. I’ve also been working intensely on a children’s book about my adoptionmore on that later. However, my biggest challenge has been with writing my next journal entrymeeting my birth parents. Meeting them was unbelievably emotional. After my meetup with them, I became very sick (infections, shingles, and more), and gained a lot of weight. I had become an emotional eater, and I didn’t realize it. 

>>Pause

What is an emotional eater? Emotional eating means that you eat for reasons other than hunger. What is emotional eating? You may eat because you’re sad, depressed, stressed, or lonely. Or you may use food as a reward. Food can be soothing and distract you from what’s really bothering you. Emotional overeating is when a person eats more than they need due to negative feelings that they are experiencing. If this type of eating becomes a regular pattern, it may have other negative consequences for the patient. The person may view overeating as a way of overcoming negative feelings.

Signs of an emotional eater.

1. You NEED to eat a particular food 

2. You keep eating after you’ve eaten a meal

3. You eat fast

4. You eat immediately after an emotional event

5. You feel guilty about eating

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I ate a lot of sugar and carbskettle popcorn, Tates cookies, and fine European chocolate were a few of my enemies. Many nights, I’d fall asleep on the sofa after reading an email from my birth father Sam or watching a Youtube clip of my birth mother, Jeanne. It was tough to process that these strangers were my birth parents. After a while, I’d become filled with anger towards my parents (the Jackson’s), and I’d cry uncontrollably. I’d then head to the kitchen, dig for a snack, eat on the sofa, and watch t.v. until I passed out. What was alarming were the times I’d wake up in the middle of the night with food in my hand. I’d wake up with an empty snack bag a few times, and I couldn’t remember ever getting a snack. I had packed on 35 pounds in 4 months. I felt guilty, and so I ate more.

I’ve been on a long emotional journey since my dad’s passing, and I’m tired of big feelings, but I have no other choice but to keep pressing on. So, I’m back, and I’m facing my pain. Please hold me in your thoughts, meditations and prayers. I’ll make it through.

Here’s relaxing sleep music I enjoy that helps me reset my mind.

Relaxing Music 24/7. Stress Relief, Sleep, Meditation, Study and Calming Music.

>>Let’s talk

  • How does stress manifest in your body?
  • What do you do to relieve stress?

9 thoughts on “Please Accept My Apology

  1. Hey Janeen I did the opposite I stopped eating. I was diagnosed with diabetes and my son Tj was diagnosed with bipolar last year. He was hospitalized for a month and he got violent. He dropped out of Vcu and is living with Portia in Maryland. I never thought this would happen. My wife is cheating on me. But I don’t care because she’s a nasty person. I understand that you are dealing with this situation and I don’t know what to say. Like to stay in touch with you. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.
    I’m here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for sharing your journey! I’m an NPE but not adopted…product of an affair. Different issues but stressful too. My stress causes me to shut off…stare at the tv….Netflix has gotten me through a lot!
    In your last post you asked about music. One of my go to CDs is called The Essential Snatam Kaur. My favorite track is this one:

    There is some thing about it that centers me! I also love anything by Carlos Nakai .

    Wishing you peace and healing!💜

    Like

  3. Well it doesn’t look like the link is going to work. So, if you want to hear that song, go to YouTube and type in

    Snatam Kaur Ek Ong Kar

    And choose the one that is eight minutes long… Sorry… I don’t know why the link won’t work.

    Liked by 1 person

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