Start from the Beginning

From the Beginning: Welcome to the discovery of my life starting from 2017. If you are new here please start from the beginning so that you get the whole story.

  • The Loss of a Parent.
    January 9, 2017, my life as I knew it ended on a cold evening in Fredericksburg, Virginia. My father was watching television in his family room when suddenly, he experienced a fatal heart attack. However, 12 minutes later, he miraculously “came back’” but was put into a medically induced coma. In February, my mother hadContinue reading “The Loss of a Parent.”
  • Just a Little Spit.
    A few days after my conference, I received my DNA kit. I had gotten acute bronchitis but still had enough energy to send in my saliva sample. The instructions appeared to be straight forward: Step 1: Activate Before you spit, register your kit. Use the unique code found on both your test tube and instructionContinue reading “Just a Little Spit.”
  • Give Me a Break
    March 2018, a year and a few months have gone by since the death of my dad. He would have been 78 this month. I was hurting emotionally and desperately needed some time off. Spring break was coming up for the kids, and I thought a relaxing vacation would be the perfect getaway. Every yearContinue reading “Give Me a Break”
  • Whatcha’ talkin’ ’bout Willis?
    Saturday, April 7. The boys and I arrived at LAX, and we were wiped out. Who would think that a relaxing island would cause this much exhaustion? A bit crusted with sand, and sunburned, we were excited to see my husband pull up. Lots of hugs and kisses went all around. Once I got inContinue reading “Whatcha’ talkin’ ’bout Willis?”
  • Dazed and confused
    Wait, what? She Thinks She’s My MOTHER, and She Doesn’t Want to Get Ahead of Herself?!? At this point, I knew I was part of some online scam. I called my brother Jamar and told him what happened. He agreed that I was part of a scam and suggested that I call our mother toContinue reading “Dazed and confused”
  • Mystery Solved
    Monday, April 9, 2018 I could not tell you if I went to sleep that night. In fact, I don’t remember anything else after texting my brother Jamar. My mind was wiped like in the movie “Men in Black” when they used their Neuralyzer to flash away memories of people. I can remember, however, thatContinue reading “Mystery Solved”
  • The Call
    Monday, April 9, 2018 After taking a deep breath, I called Ron and told him everything. He was just as shock as me. “How do you know it’s not a scam? Did the adoption agency ask for your social security number? “No, they didn’t. I only provided the agency with a copy of my driver’sContinue reading “The Call”
  • National Siblings Day
    April 10, 2018 “Hello David” “Yes?” “This is Janeen. I called to let you know that, yes, we are half-siblings.” An ice-cold sensation came over me and I trembled as that phrase came out of my mouth. “Ha! I knew that already!” he quipped.” I knew he must really be my “brother” because this guyContinue reading “National Siblings Day”
  • Boundaries.
    The next day, David called as I walked to work. “Hi Janeen, it’s David.” “Hi, David.” “Do you own a red Mustang?” “What?” “Do you own a red Mustang? I see a red Mustang on the street near your house.” “What?!” I started looking around and over my shoulder and saw the car he wasContinue reading “Boundaries.”
  • Birth story
    My birth story, according to my parents, was never clear. Whenever I’d ask about it, there were many “I don’t know,” “I can’t remember,” or slight changes every time I asked about it. Once, my dad said that he was at my mom’s side during my birth, and then another time, he’d said that aContinue reading “Birth story”
  • Get Here if you can
    April 13, 2018 I’m not even a week into my discovery, yet I know so much about Sam and not much about Jeannie. The last I heard from her was through the “I may be your mother” email. So Catherine, my new cousin, had been my anchor since I found out about the truth. I’dContinue reading “Get Here if you can”
  • Separation Anxiety
    “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” –Chesty Puller April 14, 2018 Out of breath and in complete pain, I crept steadily up the Santa Monica Stairs with my friend Kerrisha. “Come on, Janeen! You’ve got this!” she cheered 20 steps ahead of me. >>Pause. The Santa Monica Stairs is a public stairway that descends fromContinue reading “Separation Anxiety”
  • HBCU Graduates
    April 17, 2018 Sam sent me an email today with a scanned image of himself. It’s a local news article, and he’s leading children in dance as he plays the harmonica. He’s so incredibly thin. I was skinny too and wore a size 0/2 until I had my second child. I really can’t believe thisContinue reading “HBCU Graduates”
  • Reparations
    “We should not seek a world where the black race and white race live in harmony, but in a world in which the terms black and white have no real political meaning.” – Ta-Naheshi Coates April 19, 2018 Two weeks had passed, and my mind and emotions were still dizzy, hazy about my discovery. IContinue reading “Reparations”
  • Perfect Pitch
    Dizzy, lightheaded, clammy skin, heartburn, nausea, anxiety, palpitations, and shortness of breath are symptoms of a heart attack, which I thought I was experiencing. However, it was my nerves, and they were getting the best of me. I was about to make the call to Jeannie and hear my birth mother’s voice for the firstContinue reading “Perfect Pitch”
  • You’re Still Black.
    April 2018 The rest of the month, I called my closest friends and told them about my discovery. This task was challenging. I didn’t have to do it, but I felt as if I owed to them. What was it that I owed them? I’m not sure. But telling them about my “new identity” feltContinue reading “You’re Still Black.”
  • Spit Sisters
    Sun., April 15th, 2018, at 5:06 PM It was a warm, sunny day in Santa Monica. I was listening to “Yellow” by Cold Play – love that song. I had just received devastating news from a childhood friend, Sara. She texted that her father just passed… What’s ironic about this is that her father andContinue reading “Spit Sisters”
  • Dragonfly
    Email, photos, music, poems, and artwork were pouring in from Sam, Jeannie, and their families faster than I could digest. Two weeks have passed, and I’m still trying to keep it together—at least on the outside. During the day, I’d make silly jokes to colleagues and friends about how absurd my life has become. EveryoneContinue reading “Dragonfly”
  • Mommies Make Mistakes Too
    Journal Entry:May 11, 2018 // 6 something the morning. Mother’s Day was in a few days, and I reluctantly purchased a gift online for my mom from my boys. I had projected that it was going to be a tough day for me. According to Wikipedia, Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring the mother ofContinue reading “Mommies Make Mistakes Too”
  • It’s official
    May 12, 2018 My Bestie, brother from another mother, Valente, convinced me to join him for cheap drinks at El Toriotos. I ordered two gigantic margaritas, “Mariposas” because I, well, really needed it! I caught him up on all of the adoption discoveries and told him that I insisted Sam and Jeannie take a DNAContinue reading “It’s official”
  • Ass Kicking
    Now that I know that I’m mixed race. I reflect back on moments in my life where people questioned the way I look. My hair and skin tone were the two physical features that were always on trial, and I never understood why. Both of my parents were “Black-Black,” my brothers were “Black-Black,” which meantContinue reading “Ass Kicking”
  • Medical Conditions
    May 15, 2018 I sat in the waiting room at the ENT- Ears Nose and Throat specialist. I’d been experiencing massive congestion and sinus headaches. I was a new patient and had to complete a “New Patient Packet.” When I got to the “PATIENT MEDICAL HISTORY” portion of the packet, I realized that I didn’tContinue reading “Medical Conditions”
  • One more question
    01/09/2021 Before continuing my adoption story, I want to take a moment and reflect on my dad, Jim Jackson. Four years ago, on this day, my dad had a massive heart attack. He was “gone” for about 12 minutes and somehow “came back.” But the man I’ve always know as my father wasn’t there anymore.Continue reading “One more question”
  • The Big Question
    Someday in early June 2018 It was time. Time for me to ask Sam and Jeannie could I meet them. At first I thought I wanted to meet them separately. I called Jeannie and we and made plans to meet in New Orleans. We thought I would be the perfect place to meet up andContinue reading “The Big Question”
  • The Talk
    June 21, 2018 As my mom and I headed downstairs, I couldn’t help noticing that my hearing became distorted. Every sound became amplified. “Click-clack! Click-clack! Click-clack!” my mother’s shoes sounded like a hammer banging on the ground as she came down the stairs and my ears began to ring. As I got to the carContinue reading “The Talk”
  • Mother’s Day
    May 9, 2021 It’s been a while since my last post. Several of you sent me private messages asking if I’ve been okay and asked me when I was going to post again… Well, here I am. I’ve resurfaced. My last entry, “The Talk,” stirred up emotions I thought I had overcome. So, I hadContinue reading “Mother’s Day”
  • Song In the Key of Life
    June 22, 2018 Now that my mother was gone I put all of my attention on the meeting with Jeannie and Sam. There was a lot to prepare before our meetup. A month prior I had spoken to Jeannie and had this grandiose idea of playing the piano while she sang. What was I thinking?Continue reading “Song In the Key of Life”
  • Please Accept My Apology
    August 19, 2021 Hey there! Before I continue to write about journey, I ask you to accept my apology for not posting for the past few months. I’ve been in the thick of life since my last entry in May of this year. Work, family, and my health (not covid related) have consumed me. I’veContinue reading “Please Accept My Apology”
  • Broken Hearts
    June 9, 1996 // Silver Spring, MD I didn’t like my life in 1996. I was experiencing a horrible breakup with a guy I was engaged to. The split threw me into the well of depression. My heart shattered into millions of pieces. I didn’t trust anyone after that moment, including myself. I also startedContinue reading “Broken Hearts”
  • Timeline
    June 21, 2018 Prepping for Sam and Jeannie’s visit in July was nerve-wracking. This moment was going to be My “real” birth story, and it had to be as Prepping for Sam and Jeannie’s visit in July was nerve-wracking. This moment would be My “real” birth story, and it had to be as perfect. ItContinue reading “Timeline”
  • “Walk With Me Lord”
    July 3, 2018 (Journal entry) I am excited that the moment is near! Sam is in Santa Monica, and Jeannie is packing and ready to leave Philly. Ron, took me shopping to find a perfect outfit. I am so grateful for him because I’m all over the place. I settled on a lace tunic, blackContinue reading ““Walk With Me Lord””
  • When Doves Cry
    July 7, 2018 // 6:18 am Today is THE day. I’ll be meeting up with Sam & Jeannie. Huh… It’s still so strange to me that two strangers have changed my life forever. There are still parts of me that find the last 3 months unreal. THIS is why I meeting them today. I stillContinue reading “When Doves Cry”
  • Welcome Back
    July 7, 2018 My mind raced when I saw the Lyft coming down the street. 5… 4…. 3… 2… 1…. They are here. What’s happening. It’s happening. They are not mine. Are they? Wait. What? Who are they? Who’s he? Wait. Who’s she? What? I’m not ready! What? Oh, God! Here they come! The moment IContinue reading “Welcome Back”
  • Pitch Perfect
    My heart pounded as I drove Jeanne, my birth mother, back to her Airbnb. “I can’t believe that my BIRTH MOTHER is in the car with me!” I repeatedly screamed in my head. And then a tugging sensation developed at the base of my throat as I thought about the phrase, “Birth Mother.”  Birth Mother…  Birth Mother…birth…mother? IContinue reading “Pitch Perfect”
  • Happy Birthday
    March 10, 2022 Happy birthday to me…happy birthday to me! Happy birthday I’m 50… … Happeee Biiiirthday toooo meeee!! As I reflect on 50 years of my life, I think about how much love surrounded me growing up. From the moment my mom and dad brought me home until my dad’s last breath in 2017,Continue reading “Happy Birthday”

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