“Ever have that feeling where you’re not sure if you’re awake or dreaming?”

-Neo, “The Matrix”

If you are new to this blog, I encourage you to start the journey with me from the beginning. 7/29/20, “The loss of a parent.”


Email, photos, music, poems, and artwork were pouring in from Sam, Jeannie, and their families faster than I could digest. Two weeks have passed, and I’m still trying to keep it together—at least on the outside. During the day, I’d make silly jokes to colleagues and friends about how absurd my life has become. EveryoneContinue reading “Dragonfly”

Spit Sisters

Sun., April 15th, 2018, at 5:06 PM It was a warm, sunny day in Santa Monica. I was listening to “Yellow” by Cold Play – love that song. I had just received devastating news from a childhood friend, Sara. She texted that her father just passed… What’s ironic about this is that her father andContinue reading “Spit Sisters”

You’re Still Black.

April 2018 The rest of the month, I called my closest friends and told them about my discovery. This task was challenging. I didn’t have to do it, but I felt as if I owed to them. What was it that I owed them? I’m not sure. But telling them about my “new identity” feltContinue reading “You’re Still Black.”

Perfect Pitch

Dizzy, lightheaded, clammy skin, heartburn, nausea, anxiety, palpitations, and shortness of breath are symptoms of a heart attack, which I thought I was experiencing. However, it was my nerves, and they were getting the best of me. I was about to make the call to Jeannie and hear my birth mother’s voice for the firstContinue reading “Perfect Pitch”


“We should not seek a world where the black race and white race live in harmony, but in a world in which the terms black and white have no real political meaning.” – Ta-Naheshi Coates April 19, 2018 Two weeks had passed, and my mind and emotions were still dizzy, hazy about my discovery. IContinue reading “Reparations”

HBCU Graduates

April 17, 2018 Sam sent me an email today with a scanned image of himself. It’s a local news article, and he’s leading children in dance as he plays the harmonica. He’s so incredibly thin. I was skinny too and wore a size 0/2 until I had my second child. I really can’t believe thisContinue reading “HBCU Graduates”

Separation Anxiety

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.” –Chesty Puller April 14, 2018 Out of breath and in complete pain, I crept steadily up the Santa Monica Stair with my friend Kerrisha. “Come on, Janeen! You’ve got this!” she cheered 20 steps ahead of me.  Pause. The Santa Monica Stairs is a public stairway that descends fromContinue reading “Separation Anxiety”

Get Here if you can

April 13, 2018 I’m not even a week into my discovery, yet I know so much about Sam and not much about Jeannie. The last I heard from her was through the “I may be your mother” email. So Catherine, my new cousin, had been my anchor since I found out about the truth. I’dContinue reading “Get Here if you can”

Birth story

My birth story, according to my parents, was never clear. Whenever I’d ask about it, there were many “I don’t know,” “I can’t remember,” or slight changes every time I asked about it. Once, my dad said that he was at my mom’s side during my birth, and then another time, he’d said that aContinue reading “Birth story”


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3 thoughts on “Blog

  1. Wow! I’m already riveted. Thank you for being willing to share the many journies you have experienced. With your transparency, I have feeling you will help others and yourself.

    With love and admiration.


  2. Sam shared this with me today, Janeen, and I really admire your courage to share your astonishing discovery and life journey. You are such an inspiring person, and I am so glad to know you! I look forward to the day we can meet one another.

    In the meantime, I will be following your blog and looking forward to new posts. (You are a great writer by the way!)

    With love and understanding,



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