When Doves Cry

July 7, 2018 // 6:18 am

Today is THE day. I’ll be meeting up with Sam & Jeannie. Huh… It’s still so strange to me that two strangers have changed my life forever. There are still parts of me that find the last 3 months unreal. THIS is why I meeting them today. I still need some convincing. 

Why is this happening to me, and why now?

I saw my Nana Clark (my mom’s mom) last night as I slept. She looked so beautiful, and she appeared as her young self. Nana told me that I am incredibly strong and not be afraid. My dream felt so real that I forced myself to wake. 

I eventually fell back to sleep and began to dream again. This time I was dead and lying in a body bag. I was being prepared by people I didn’t recognize for my journey or sendoff. When I saw myself in the body bag, I didn’t want to look. But, I knew I didn’t have a choice, and I had to prepare for reality. I forced myself to wake again. It was time to get up and face my new reality.

It was a chilly morning, so I slipped on my robe and outdoor slippers, grabbed my Mexican blanket, my Palo Santo stick, matches, and tipped toed downstairs to my neighbor’s meditation garden. I gently placed the blanket on the ground, lit the palo santo kneeled, took a deep breath, listened to the doves, closed my eyes, and exhaled.

>> Pause

The Mourning Birds The mourning dove call is a distinctive “wooo-oo-oo-oo” sound that may evoke a feeling of grief over the loss of a dearly beloved. But far from representing death, mourning dove symbolism can give us optimism with its spirituality. Beyond their sorrowful song is a message of life, hope, renewal, and peace. This bird is the most common species of dove found in North America. A dove is, in fact, a small pigeon. There is no technical difference between a dove and a pigeon; accept that doves are depicted to have pointed tails and move more gracefully. Grayish-brown in color, Mourning Doves, are monogamous in nature. Mates typically stick together for the long run and become very devoted parents.

Palo Santo sticks

Palo santo is one of the most fragrant woods in the world. Its sweet scent of pine, mint, and lemon has, for centuries, been a sign of healing and good fortune. Shamans, saints, and those seeking a stronger spiritual connection with the world use palo santo to protect, experience, and heal. Palo santo offers incredible benefits such as spiritual purifying and energy cleansing. It inspires creativity, brings a deeper connection to God, and is used to treat a wide variety of physical ailments, including colds, flu, anxiety, depression, asthma, bronchitis, headaches, and emotional trauma.


During meditation, I went on a spiritual journey, and my breathing began to slow. “Wooo-oo-oo-oo…”I started on a journey of darkness and light..darkness and light…“Wooo-oo-oo-oo” ….”Wooo-oo-oo-oo” …. My spirit felt as if it was being pulled or anchored into the earth. I inhaled..2…3… then exhaled. The sweet smoke from the palo santo reminded me of the scent of a newborn baby’s breath, sweet, innocent, and pure. Exhaled…2…3… I prayed, hummed a tune from my heart, and swayed left to right. I wanted to stay in this garden forever. But it was time to go. 

I honestly don’t remember getting dressed. Everything was a blur, and I wasn’t thinking about writing anything down. However, I remember that I made arrangements for Tyson and Phoenix to go to a summer camp directly across the street from where I was going to meet Sam and Jeannie. I kissed my boys like it was going to be the last day I’d ever see them–and it was…sorta’ I knew that after I met them, I was going to change profoundly and possibly be a different mommy. After drop-off, I walked across the street met with Deanna, Adreas, and the film crew. Deanne had everything set up beautifully. Ron stayed home and waited for my signal to come over. I wanted him to wait until after I met them. 

PING! A texted from Sam came in. Sam and Jeannie were in a Lyft and on their way!

My finals thoughts before meeting them.

I reminded myself that just like the Mourning Dove, that beyond the sorrowful song in my soul there is a message of life, hope, renewal, and peace.

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