April 2018 – Mixed-Up. My diary about family secrets, DNA, and the complexities of race and adoption.

Dragonfly

Email, photos, music, poems, and artwork were pouring in from Sam, Jeannie, and their families faster than I could digest. Two weeks have passed, and I’m still trying to keep it together—at least on the outside. During the day, I’d make silly jokes to colleagues and friends about how absurd my life has become. EveryoneContinue reading “Dragonfly”

Spit Sisters

Sun., April 15th, 2018, at 5:06 PM It was a warm, sunny day in Santa Monica. I was listening to “Yellow” by Cold Play – love that song. I had just received devastating news from a childhood friend, Sara. She texted that her father just passed… What’s ironic about this is that her father andContinue reading “Spit Sisters”

You’re Still Black.

April 2018 The rest of the month, I called my closest friends and told them about my discovery. This task was challenging. I didn’t have to do it, but I felt as if I owed to them. What was it that I owed them? I’m not sure. But telling them about my “new identity” feltContinue reading “You’re Still Black.”

Perfect Pitch

Dizzy, lightheaded, clammy skin, heartburn, nausea, anxiety, palpitations, and shortness of breath are symptoms of a heart attack, which I thought I was experiencing. However, it was my nerves, and they were getting the best of me. I was about to make the call to Jeannie and hear my birth mother’s voice for the firstContinue reading “Perfect Pitch”

Reparations

“We should not seek a world where the black race and white race live in harmony, but in a world in which the terms black and white have no real political meaning.” – Ta-Naheshi Coates April 19, 2018 Two weeks had passed, and my mind and emotions were still dizzy, hazy about my discovery. IContinue reading “Reparations”

HBCU Graduates

April 17, 2018 Sam sent me an email today with a scanned image of himself. It’s a local news article, and he’s leading children in dance as he plays the harmonica. He’s so incredibly thin. I was skinny too and wore a size 0/2 until I had my second child. I really can’t believe thisContinue reading “HBCU Graduates”

Separation Anxiety

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.” –Chesty Puller April 14, 2018 Out of breath and in complete pain, I crept steadily up the Santa Monica Stairs with my friend Kerrisha. “Come on, Janeen! You’ve got this!” she cheered 20 steps ahead of me. >>Pause. The Santa Monica Stairs is a public stairway that descends fromContinue reading “Separation Anxiety”

Get Here if you can

April 13, 2018 I’m not even a week into my discovery, yet I know so much about Sam and not much about Jeannie. The last I heard from her was through the “I may be your mother” email. So Catherine, my new cousin, had been my anchor since I found out about the truth. I’dContinue reading “Get Here if you can”

Birth story

My birth story, according to my parents, was never clear. Whenever I’d ask about it, there were many “I don’t know,” “I can’t remember,” or slight changes every time I asked about it. Once, my dad said that he was at my mom’s side during my birth, and then another time, he’d said that aContinue reading “Birth story”

Boundaries.

The next day, David called as I walked to work. “Hi Janeen, it’s David.” “Hi, David.” “Do you own a red Mustang?” “What?” “Do you own a red Mustang? I see a red Mustang on the street near your house.” “What?!” I started looking around and over my shoulder and saw the car he wasContinue reading “Boundaries.”

National Siblings Day

April 10, 2018 “Hello David” “Yes?” “This is Janeen. I called to let you know that, yes, we are half-siblings.” An ice-cold sensation came over me and I trembled as that phrase came out of my mouth. “Ha! I knew that already!” he quipped.” I knew he must really be my “brother” because this guyContinue reading “National Siblings Day”

The Call

Monday, April 9, 2018 After taking a deep breath, I called Ron and told him everything. He was just as shock as me. “How do you know it’s not a scam? Did the adoption agency ask for your social security number? “No, they didn’t. I only provided the agency with a copy of my driver’sContinue reading “The Call”

Mystery Solved

Monday, April 9, 2018 I could not tell you if I went to sleep that night. In fact, I don’t remember anything else after texting my brother Jamar. My mind was wiped like in the movie “Men in Black” when they used their Neuralyzer to flash away memories of people. I can remember, however, thatContinue reading “Mystery Solved”

Dazed and confused

Wait, what? She Thinks She’s My MOTHER, and She Doesn’t Want to Get Ahead of Herself?!? At this point, I knew I was part of some online scam. I called my brother Jamar and told him what happened. He agreed that I was part of a scam and suggested that I call our mother toContinue reading “Dazed and confused”

Whatcha’ talkin’ ’bout Willis?

Saturday, April 7. The boys and I arrived at LAX, and we were wiped out. Who would think that a relaxing island would cause this much exhaustion? A bit crusted with sand, and sunburned, we were excited to see my husband pull up. Lots of hugs and kisses went all around. Once I got inContinue reading “Whatcha’ talkin’ ’bout Willis?”