March 10, 2022 Happy birthday to me…happy birthday to me! Happy birthday I’m 50… … Happeee Biiiirthday toooo meeee!! As I reflect on 50 years of my life, I think about how much love surrounded me growing up. From the moment my mom and dad brought me home until my dad’s last breath in 2017,Continue reading “Happy Birthday”
Tag Archives: adoption
Pitch Perfect
My heart pounded as I drove Jeanne, my birth mother, back to her Airbnb. “I can’t believe that my BIRTH MOTHER is in the car with me!” I repeatedly screamed in my head. And then a tugging sensation developed at the base of my throat as I thought about the phrase, “Birth Mother.” Birth Mother… Birth Mother…birth…mother? IContinue reading “Pitch Perfect”
Welcome Back
July 7, 2018 My mind raced when I saw the Lyft coming down the street. 5… 4…. 3… 2… 1…. They are here. What’s happening. It’s happening. They are not mine. Are they? Wait. What? Who are they? Who’s he? Wait. Who’s she? What? I’m not ready! What? Oh, God! Here they come! The moment IContinue reading “Welcome Back”
When Doves Cry
July 7, 2018 // 6:18 am Today is THE day. I’ll be meeting up with Sam & Jeannie. Huh… It’s still so strange to me that two strangers have changed my life forever. There are still parts of me that find the last 3 months unreal. THIS is why I meeting them today. I stillContinue reading “When Doves Cry”
“Walk With Me Lord”
July 3, 2018 (Journal entry) I am excited that the moment is near! Sam is in Santa Monica, and Jeannie is packing and ready to leave Philly. Ron, took me shopping to find a perfect outfit. I am so grateful for him because I’m all over the place. I settled on a lace tunic, blackContinue reading ““Walk With Me Lord””
Timeline
June 21, 2018 Prepping for Sam and Jeannie’s visit in July was nerve-wracking. This moment was going to be My “real” birth story, and it had to be as Prepping for Sam and Jeannie’s visit in July was nerve-wracking. This moment would be My “real” birth story, and it had to be as perfect. ItContinue reading “Timeline”
Broken Hearts
June 9, 1996 // Silver Spring, MD I didn’t like my life in 1996. I was experiencing a horrible breakup with a guy I was engaged to. The split threw me into the well of depression. My heart shattered into millions of pieces. I didn’t trust anyone after that moment, including myself. I also startedContinue reading “Broken Hearts”
The Talk
June 21, 2018 As my mom and I headed downstairs, I couldn’t help noticing that my hearing became distorted. Every sound became amplified. “Click-clack! Click-clack! Click-clack!” my mother’s shoes sounded like a hammer banging on the ground as she came down the stairs and my ears began to ring. As I got to the carContinue reading “The Talk”
The Big Question
Someday in early June 2018 It was time. Time for me to ask Sam and Jeannie could I meet them. At first I thought I wanted to meet them separately. I called Jeannie and we and made plans to meet in New Orleans. We thought I would be the perfect place to meet up andContinue reading “The Big Question”
One more question
01/09/2021 Before continuing my adoption story, I want to take a moment and reflect on my dad, Jim Jackson. Four years ago, on this day, my dad had a massive heart attack. He was “gone” for about 12 minutes and somehow “came back.” But the man I’ve always know as my father wasn’t there anymore.Continue reading “One more question”
Spit Sisters
Sun., April 15th, 2018, at 5:06 PM It was a warm, sunny day in Santa Monica. I was listening to “Yellow” by Cold Play – love that song. I had just received devastating news from a childhood friend, Sara. She texted that her father just passed… What’s ironic about this is that her father andContinue reading “Spit Sisters”
Perfect Pitch
Dizzy, lightheaded, clammy skin, heartburn, nausea, anxiety, palpitations, and shortness of breath are symptoms of a heart attack, which I thought I was experiencing. However, it was my nerves, and they were getting the best of me. I was about to make the call to Jeannie and hear my birth mother’s voice for the firstContinue reading “Perfect Pitch”
Separation Anxiety
“Pain is weakness leaving the body.” –Chesty Puller April 14, 2018 Out of breath and in complete pain, I crept steadily up the Santa Monica Stairs with my friend Kerrisha. “Come on, Janeen! You’ve got this!” she cheered 20 steps ahead of me. >>Pause. The Santa Monica Stairs is a public stairway that descends fromContinue reading “Separation Anxiety”
Get Here if you can
April 13, 2018 I’m not even a week into my discovery, yet I know so much about Sam and not much about Jeannie. The last I heard from her was through the “I may be your mother” email. So Catherine, my new cousin, had been my anchor since I found out about the truth. I’dContinue reading “Get Here if you can”
Birth story
My birth story, according to my parents, was never clear. Whenever I’d ask about it, there were many “I don’t know,” “I can’t remember,” or slight changes every time I asked about it. Once, my dad said that he was at my mom’s side during my birth, and then another time, he’d said that aContinue reading “Birth story”
Boundaries.
The next day, David called as I walked to work. “Hi Janeen, it’s David.” “Hi, David.” “Do you own a red Mustang?” “What?” “Do you own a red Mustang? I see a red Mustang on the street near your house.” “What?!” I started looking around and over my shoulder and saw the car he wasContinue reading “Boundaries.”
National Siblings Day
April 10, 2018 “Hello David” “Yes?” “This is Janeen. I called to let you know that, yes, we are half-siblings.” An ice-cold sensation came over me and I trembled as that phrase came out of my mouth. “Ha! I knew that already!” he quipped.” I knew he must really be my “brother” because this guyContinue reading “National Siblings Day”
The Call
Monday, April 9, 2018 After taking a deep breath, I called Ron and told him everything. He was just as shock as me. “How do you know it’s not a scam? Did the adoption agency ask for your social security number? “No, they didn’t. I only provided the agency with a copy of my driver’sContinue reading “The Call”
Mystery Solved
Monday, April 9, 2018 I could not tell you if I went to sleep that night. In fact, I don’t remember anything else after texting my brother Jamar. My mind was wiped like in the movie “Men in Black” when they used their Neuralyzer to flash away memories of people. I can remember, however, thatContinue reading “Mystery Solved”
Mixed-Up. My diary about family secrets, DNA, and the complexities of race and adoption. 